What Does 50 Look Like?

What look shall I choose for my 50s?  What person will I be? It is up to me and people like me to define what “50” will look like in the 21st Century. I’ve been looking around at my options. I’ve been trying to figure out my image for the next 50 years. With the exception of my lovely sisters, here are some of my observations/options:

Suddenly Old Woman: this woman turned old overnight. She has made a conscious decision to let go and she has embraced middle age with gusto. She wears “mom” jeans and track suits and large, chunky necklaces with matching earrings and bracelets paired with ensembles from Christopher & Banks, sporting leaf appliqués. She wears sensible shoes – she’s given up heels forever. She wears a HAT in the winter time.

Metaphysical Woman: If you look in her closet, you will find at least one caftan, and many pairs of vague, shapeless pants with natural bamboo fiber composition, long, sweeping vests and sweaters and funky Birkenstock sandals. Her wardrobe could be described as “flowing” and she is very much “enlightened.” You can see the peach fuzz on her face because she doesn’t do much to hide it and she is often sans makeup. She eats a lot of hummus and veggie burgers and she always wears a calm, peaceful smile on her face. She is writing a book of poetry and in her spare time she throws clay pots.

la femme de Bohème: Ahhh…do you smell that? Did Ahmed park his camel nearby? No, no, it is just the little old bohemian woman over there. She’s earthy, musky, and she doesn’t shave her armpits. She wears a long tie-dyed skirt and a leather ankle bracelet. You can find her in the organic section of your grocery, or more likely, shopping at an all-organic market. Her hair is long and pulled back into a low pony tail. She likes to attend folk festivals where bathing is optional.

la femme de Bohème is sometimes mistaken for Biker Mom, for they are similar in appearance and their social circles can intersect, but Biker Mom usually wears jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt with a skull on it.

Gypsy/Obea Woman: Here’s one I’ve been considering. You get to have wild, long hair, wear lots of chunky jewelry, your clothes don't necessarily have to match, and people fear you to some extent – with good reason! You spend your free time dancing around campfires with dark, swarthy men or giving people the evil eye.

Power Woman: Her $500 suit is exquisitely tailored and there is not one mark on the toes of her patent leather heels. She’s had her boobs done, and they are strategically displayed so as never to offend, but only to make her unforgettable. Her nails are perfectly manicured and her hair doesn’t blow in the wind. She is formidable.

Scary-Clinging-To-Her-Youth-Woman: If you see her from a distance, you think she’s 25 or so. Have you ever been in line behind one of these women? Her hair, her clothes, her shoes – everything suggests that she’s just a young thing. But then she turns around and it’s like, WHOA NELLY. I am gonna have nightmares about that! Why doesn’t somebody clue her in? Does she really think that looks good? There are so many variations of this look. I would say it’s the #1 fashion crime and I’m sure that I have been guilty of it myself, LEST I GO down that other, distasteful road. But this woman has taken it to the extreme. She is obviously living in a fantasy world.

Today, by the way, I am She-Who-Defies-Convention-Under-Her-Clothing Woman, as I wearing the loud, striped socks that Mich sent to me for xmas, paired with black pants and a BURGUNDY sweater. That’s right – THEY DO NOT MATCH. It’s a statement I’m making. On the surface, I am mild-mannered office lady. But just under the surface simmers a wild and crazy…….clown lady I guess.

I think I am going to shoot for the Sophia Loren/Ann-Margret/Julia Ormond type:

sexy,

curvy,

ageless.