Yesterday something awful happened. It stopped me in my tracks so effectively, I wasn’t able to sit down and write anything. A set of real life, middle-aged jowls appeared – a matching set – one for the left side of my face and one for the right. I know I’ve cried wolf before in the past but I think maybe this is the real deal. How can I be at peace with this?
Like every other big change in my life, it seems, these jowls didn’t come gradually. From some other dimension they crossed through and just instantly manifested on my face. Did I manifest these jowls? Did the Universe somehow mistake my constant bitching about jowls to mean “I want jowls! I want jowls! Give me jowls!” instead of “In the name of all that is holy, please do not send me any jowls!” It’s a scary thought -- that somehow I might have caused these to appear.
Be careful what you wish for. As a matter of fact, be careful what you wish against – avoid any mention of the subject AT ALL unless you want to invite something unplanned, unbidden. Go ignorantly amid the noise and haste, my friends. Yes I realize this contradicts advice I have given in the past. Go blithely and blissfully and do not look to the left or the right. If you pretend that you don’t mind getting older, or better yet – that you are UNAWARE of it – then it will not happen.
Oh, now I see the error of my ways.
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oh, I seriously doubt that you have jowls. You are only turning 50! So young, so young.... you do not see this yet, grasshopper.
ReplyDeleteThis is probably no consolation, but I read yesterday that Valerie Bertinelli is turning 50 also. Her birthday is in April. Valerie Bertinelli! Young, cutesy, Valerie Bertinelli from One Day at a Time! Mackenzie Phillips we can imagine getting old all too well, but not the cherub Valerie.
ReplyDeletewell, when i am a household word, we'll talk about consolation
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