Be Brave

Today is Sunday, and counting today I have 20 days of my forties left. On Sundays when I can, I go to Lawrence to visit Cindy, who's living in an assisted living facility there and dealing with Huntington's Disease. I've known Cindy a long time. Though we grew up a mere two blocks away from each other, we didn't become friends until High School, when something just clicked, the way it sometimes does, and we were basically friends for life, though we didn't know it at the time.

These days when I visit, we go for a walk. Cindy holds my hand for balance and we walk for about an hour. I think she would walk longer if I would just keep on walking. Today it was way too cold and snowy to walk, but I wanted to go because it's been a while since I've been to see her.

No matter what else is going on, Cindy always asks me how things are going. She remembers that I am approaching my 50th birthday. I said to her, "It doesn't seem possible that I am going to be 50 -- FIFTY!!" She smiled and said "I know." She can't believe it either. These are the times when we are just two old friends, getting older and disbelieving it. She thinks it's pretty funny that I am so wigged out about being 50 but she also understands, and she tells me that her birthday is in May so she has a few more months before it's her turn. Neither of us can believe that suddenly we are facing 50. And I think she is getting a kick out of the fact that I am older than her. I think it is going to make her smile when  I reach the big FIVE-O ahead of her. She still has the same playful sense of humor and she's been teasing me that I should have a big party, because she knows I really want it to pass quietly and without notice.  I told her noooooo -- we will wait till HER 50th to have the party.  If my turning 50 before Cindy can  makes her laugh even a little, then that is one reason I will be more than happy to turn 50.

In her room, she has pictures everywhere of family and friends. There are notes written on post-its with things she needs to remember. One of them taped to her lamp says "Brush teeth and use deodorant every day." On a piece of notebook paper, she has scrawled the words "BE BRAVE" in all caps. It's taped above her television. I'd seen it for a long time before I asked her about it. When I saw it, I thought, "yes, this struggle with Huntington's disease -- she does need to be brave."  But when I finally asked her about the sign, she told me, "I wrote that when I was giving up caffeine."

When I turn 50, it will be for the right reasons. And for the next 20 days, I will be brave.