Afterward and What's Next

On Saturday I went to Dillard’s to get a few items I needed. I stopped at the Clinique counter and asked for a tube of Super Moister Foundation, #18 Nude Beige. Normally, the Clinique salespeople are pretty laid back and just give me what I ask for. But the young woman working the counter on Saturday wanted to upsell me on some fantastic new moisturizer. She said have you ever used such-and-such blad-de-blah and I said, no, I use the Zero Gravity stuff and I really like it. She said, “Zero Gravity! That is really for mature skin” and I said “well I am mature” but she just ignored me and then proceeded to tell me why this other moisturizer was better and more right for me. Then she said, “because the Zero Gravity – that is for like, 50 and over.”

**sigh***....And so it begins.

Actually, I just laughed and said, “well today is my birthday and I just turned 50.” She seemed amazed and said, “Well….how long have you been using the Zero Gravity?”

I did feel different when I woke up on my birthday. I felt calm. I felt awesome, and beautiful. And I’m at peace with being 50.

Writing this blog has been an unexpectedly wonderful journey for me. It was better than therapy and just as effective – I highly recommend it! The thing that made it so special for me and so great was everyone who shared their thoughts and ideas, and traveled the road with me. It really helped.

I know I made a commitment to post one of my secret aspirations, so here you go: I always wanted to be on the radio -- a radio personality. When I was younger and that was something more attainable, people told me “there’s no money in radio.” It’s funny how some things – many things – seem so unreachable to you when you are young or inexperienced, when really they are not. I hate that I was so quick to second guess myself, have absolutely no faith in myself and squelch one of my own dreams. To be fair, I don’t think that children are raised to understand the infinite possibilities that are out really out there. Yes, we tell them that they can be whomever or whatever they want to be. “Set your goals, work hard, anything is possible.”

But I think that is too limiting. I wish someone would have said to me, “You don’t have to know how things are going to happen. You just have to believe they are possible and don’t worry about it too much.” If I look back on some of the really good things that have happened in my life, or even the ones that at the time seemed not so good, I can see that there has been a beautiful harmony happening. Events came together in ways that couldn’t possibly been foreseen or controlled, mostly independent of and often in spite of my efforts.

If I had learned that about life when I was, say, 5 years old, I would be one impressive woman today, let me tell you. I would probably be ruling the world. As it stands, I am still struggling to remind myself of the miracles that are so very possible, still trying to remember to have faith in myself. I think that will be my goal for the next 50 years – to just be open to the possibilities. I figure that ought to be enough.